Fudge Bars

Fudge Bars

Team News

Bars pound Beavers

Posted by: Joe Kennedy on Sun Aug 04th 2013 11:21pm
Beavers' goalie hits
Beavers' goalie hits "like a girl"

Queeny Park, MO - The Fudge Bars end the first half of the season with more wins than they had in the entire Spring season. The team clobbered the Beavers 8-2 to finish the first half of the session at 3-1-1 within one point of first place in the Steel division.

Chris Wojcicki started the scoring early in the contest. Wojcicki followed the same team strategy from the first encounter with the Beavers: he shot the puck. Then he shot it again. Then he and the rest of the team kept shooting to the tune of 8 goals, but not everyone was satisfied with the result.

"I gotta say I was a little disappointed," said Wojcicki after the game. "I dressed myself in the Queeny fantasy leagues and was counting on having the game winning goal again. That's why I scored first, but Joe [Kennedy] couldn't get the shutout again. He couldn't even keep the Beavers to one goal and my second goal wasn't the game winner either. I'm with Nick [Leinauer] that we need to bench him for the next game."

Kennedy saw more shots than he did in the first meeting with the Beavers, but then again he didn't see any shots in the first meeting. He stopped four of six shots for a mediocre .667 save percentage. "I've been telling you we need a goaltending change," said defenseman Nick Leinauer. "A loss last week and a piss poor save percentage today? I really think we need to bench him for Mark [Anderson]."

While Kennedy played worse than he did last time against the Beavers, the Beavers' goaltender improved this time against the Bars, but not by much. He did his best vintage Joe Kennedy impression by nearly breaking his stick on the crossbar after the fifth goal against and attacking Fudge Bar Dave Merrifield.

"It wasn't too bad to be honest. He hits like a girl," said Merrifield talking to reporters outside the locker room after the game. "Besides I've heard of 'When Goalies Attack' and thought it would be my own goalie punching me. At least that's what Pat [Sommer] warned me about."

Joe was pleased to see the goalie lose his temper and throw a punch. "Not only was it nice to see someone else look like a jackass for once, but now I know that if I throw my helmet, go after an opposing player and throw a punch I'll only get a two minute penalty."

His next chance to throw a punch in a game from his goal crease will be next Sunday, August 11th when the team takes on the Goon Squad at 1:20.

Team Notes

- Assistant captain and self proclaimed puck hog Pat Sommer will return to the Bars lineup after missing the last two weeks. Pat is eager to resume playing for the Bars as he said in a phone interview on 1380 The Woman that he's "embarrassed" to see Brian Logush only two points back of him for third on the team in scoring.

- The team is finally paid in full at the midway point of the season. Queeny management stopped saying "please" before their request to have the rest of the team pay the league fee so the Bars knew that management was serious about being paid.

- Goaltender Joe Kennedy has still not revealed his new correlation for how many goals he gives up in games this season, but did acknowledge after the game that today's result only strengthens the theory.

Thunderchickens edge Fudge Bars 4-3; end Bars unbeaten streak

Posted by: Joe Kennedy on Mon Jul 29th 2013 8:16pm
Bars longest rival beats the Bars again
Bars longest rival beats the Bars again

Queeny Park, MO - Goals were once again at a premium when the Fudge Bars and Thunderchickens tangled for the second time in four games at Queeny Park on Sunday. The first game ended in a 3-3 tie. Sunday's affair saw a similar score with the Thunderchickens escaping with a 4-3 win.

Joe Kennedy was back in goal and saw his shutout streak end moments after defenseman Danny Sommer muttered the word "shutout" from the bench. At least that's what Kennedy said after the game.

"That's a shot I'll stop nine out of ten times," Kennedy said at the postgame press conference at McDonald's. "I blame Danny 100% on that one."

Dave Merrifield skated with the Bars for the second week in a row and put up the tying goal midway through the first half and the teams skated to a 1-1 tie in the first half.

The second half saw a quick start from the Thunderchickens as the Bars gave up two goals in the first three minutes of the second period. Nick Leinauer, the defenseman undressed by the forwards on both goals, rationalized his play by saying "[he] normally gets blamed for goals against by deflecting them past [his] goaltender" and that "this was a more subtle way to be responsible" for goals against.

Leinauer later suggested that there may be a goaltending change after the team's first loss of the season and that last season's netminder, Mark Anderson, may come back off of a strong win against Fraleys last week. No word yet on who the goaltender will be next week when the team plays the Beavers at 3:10.

The Thunderchickens would later add one more goal when the Bars got to within one, and that proved to be the game winner. Danny Sommer rocketed a shot home with four seconds left and Chris Wojcicki nearly tied the game off the following faceoff with a furious rush, but his last shot was turned aside as the Thunderchickens narrowly avoided a St. Louis Blues-esque final minute collapse.

The Bars play the Beavers next week to look to start another winning streak. Forward Dan Baxendale commented on the team having lower standards, telling reporters outside the locker room that the team will settle for a one game "streak" considering the Bars have won no more than three games in each of the last three seasons. Baxendale said, "We've already surpassed our point total for last season. Given where we've been in the standings in recent seasons, we'll take a couple of one game 'streaks' if we can get them along the way"

Team Notes
- Pat Sommer (undisclosed injury probably incurred at the Lake) missed the game and will be out next week against the Beavers. Dave Merrifield is expected to fill in for one more week until Sommer returns August 11th against the Goon Squad

- The game was not televised on Fox Sports Midwest as scheduled due to a Twitter beef between Dan McLaughlin and Fudge Bar forward Brian Logush. No word yet on whether or not next week's game will be televised.

- In a cocky move by the team, the Bars are already selling playoff tickets for the postseason on September 22nd. Defenseman Danny Sommer explained the strategy to reporters after the game, saying that the team has two games still on the schedule against bottom feeders in the league, one that the team already defeated 11-0 in week two of the season. Those two presumed wins puts the team at 4-1-1, and only one more win would be needed to finish with a winning record. Given the fact that half of the teams make the playoffs, the team is confident that five wins and a tie would be enough to ensure a spot in postseason play. Tickets can be purchased at any Bars regular season game or by calling 1-888-597-BARS

-Goaltender Joe Kennedy has a new theory about how many goals he allows per game. The old theory stating that the number of goals allowed was equal to the number of hours he slept the night before has been called into question by Kennedy, who has only allowed seven goals in three games and is well rested. He hasn't revealed the new theory, and forward Pat Sommer doubts the validity of the idea.

"The 'Kennedy Gives Up A Goal For Every Hour Of Sleep He Gets' theory has been tested numerous times over the years and is still the most reliable way to determine goals against," Pat said in a phone interview from the Lake. "I think that bum just wants to sleep in more, but he won't if I have anything to say about it."

Fudge Bars continue unbeaten streak

Posted by: Pat Sommer on Sun Jul 21st 2013 9:55pm
Battle scars and dress shoes
Battle scars and dress shoes

Queeny Park, Mo. - Led by Brian Logush's 4 assists and Chris Wojicicki's 4 goals, the Fudge Bars remain undefeated following an 8-5 victory over Frailey's.

The Bars got on the Board first with Wojicicki's first goal, but Dave Lowry tied it for Frailey's. The first period was a see saw scoring affair that resulted in the Bars trailing 4-3.

The Bars had an inspirational speech between periods...actually, they just screwed around and tried not to die.

Wojicicki exploded in the second half, scoring 9 goals on one shift but the refs were only able to count three since they happened so fast. The Bars jumped out to a 7-4 lead and never looked back.

Once the game got out of reach, Frailey's resorted to their traditional late game melt down. Andrew Hrdlicka and Danny Sommer were both on the receiving end of two handed slashes, one of which came after the game was over.

Hrdlicka was proud to show off his battle scar at the post game meal celebration.

"Make sure you get my dress shoes in the shot," he noted prior to getting a picture taken of his wound.

The Bars put their streak on the line next week against their storied rival, the Thunderchickens. The game time is...oh, hell, what's the point? Queeny will probably change the schedule again before now and then.

Team Notes
- Goaltender Mark Anderson got the start after Joe Kennedy was a healthy scratch.

- Nick Leinauer finally got rid of that awful green puck everyone hates by accidentally shooting it on top of the locker rooms.

"I hated that thing," said Pat Sommer. "But with our luck, Matt will probably bring it back next time he climbs up there looking for extra pucks."

Fudge Bars rout Beavers

Posted by: Pat Sommer on Mon Jul 15th 2013 11:46am

Queeny Park, Mo. - Joe Kennedy stopped all 0 shots and almost every roster player scored en route to an 11-0 Fudge Bar victory over the Beavers.

Chris Wojicicki scored the first of his 4 goals on his first shift before Fudge Bar Nation even got to their seats.

The goal proved the be the game winner even though the Bars relentlessly scored goals. Literally everything went in the goal, as Danny Sommer even scored using the move that never actually works in a game. Brian Logush scored while sporting his new pair of skates.

"We wanted to give up five goals so Logush would get the game winner," said Kennedy. "But unless they gave out goals for crossing into our zone with the puck, they wouldn't have come close."

The only pause from the assault came when the referee had to mop up water from the goal crease.

"They said it was from the goalie's water bottle, but I think it's because the guy in the sleeveless jersey fell and got it sweaty," observed Wojicicki, referring to the Beaver player who apparently thought this game was at All-American.

The Beaver's best scoring chance came when Fudge Bar defenseman Nick Leinauer almost accidentally scored in his own net towards the end of the 2nd half.

The victory improved the Bars record to 1-0-1 as they start the session with a Blackhawk-like streak without a regulation loss. The next game is July 21 at 12:25 against Frailey's.

Bars score 2 but lose to Grrrowl

Posted by: Pat Sommer on Mon Jun 10th 2013 2:27pm

Queeny Park, Mo. - The Barrrs scorrred two goals Sunday afterrrnoon, but lost to the Grrrowl 9-2.

"That lede is as pathetic as those on the Blues website that are like, 'David Backes won 8 faceoffs and Vladdy Sobotka had 3 hits, but the Blues lost to Dallas 1-0," noted team puck hog Pat Sommer. "We still did better than the Blues offense, even though it's extremely difficult to play a 200 foot game on a 177 foot rink."

However the Bars and the Blues have one unfortunate characteristic in common: the inability to score on wide open nets. While the Grrrowl dressed their goalie, the Bars failed to score on the open net. The Grrrowl quickly scored 4 goals. Goaltender Mark Anderson's prediction that the first three shots would go in proved to be entirely incorrect as the Grrrowl scored three goals on their first four shots.

The Grrrowl roster this session features the addition of several new players who are freaking awesome. The Bars did better once the old school Grrrowl players arrived, but the Bars were still caught by surprise.

"Growl was the terrible move in Pokeman that no one ever used," said Danny Sommer, who underestimated how much more powerful a grrrowl is than just a regular old growl.

The Bars did muster up some offense. Pat Sommer would score a goal that even Darren Pang could have stopped, and Chris Wojicicki scored with a nice chip on a par 3 using his 3 iron. Brian Logush's goal scoring streak ended at one game. The Bars finished the game, losing 9-2.

The Bars are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. Their final game is next week at 4:45 pm.

Team notes
- Sunday's game against the Grrrowl was brought to you by the letter 'r.'

- Seriously, who puts three r's in their name?

- Matt Hanneke was in Florida for Timmy Smith's wedding. No word on where his iconic goats are boarded during his trip unless oh dear God I hope he didn't bring then along for the trip.

- The last game of the season is fan appreciation day. The first five fans at the game get to sit with the team at McDonald's after the game.

Last Game Result: Sep 15 2013

Team 1 2 3 F
Fraleys « 5 3 0 8
Fudge Bars 0 2 0 2
Goal Scorers: Skater Sub (03:00 in 2nd), Chris Wojcicki (10:00 in 2nd)
Goaltender: Joe Kennedy (L)

Coming Up

Nothing Scheduled

Regular Season Leaders

Points Chris Wojcicki & Dan Sommer 20
Goals Chris Wojcicki 16
Assists Dan Sommer 15
PIM Nick Leinauer 8
SO Joe Kennedy 1
Wins Joe Kennedy 3
GAA Joe Kennedy 4.00