Baltimore Icemen

Baltimore Icemen

Team News

Greg stages coup - Mats out, Greg In as team captain / manager

Posted by: Paul Sampson on Tue Sep 27th 2016 8:23pm

In a stunning turn of events, Mats stepped down when confronted by Greg and was banished to the over 40 league. " I always wanted to be the boss ever since I joined" Greg was quoted. "This was too easy. I faked a picture of him on Kyle's office wall and throwing darts at him. Next to it was pictures of Hayes and Chad with 'X's' for eyes. I damn near pissed myself at how fast he capitulated."

Ghost of Hayes Returns From Rafters

Posted by: Timothy Sampson on Mon Jul 25th 2016 4:55pm

The heavens must have opened and aligned the planets at the most recent Icemen game which saw the return or Brian “Rafters” Hayes. Hayes descended from the rafters accompanied by a chorus of angels to make his first appearance since being Kyle’s first friendly fire victim. The welcome was warm for the once fallen Icemen hero as the locker room erupted upon his entry. After the door closed he began detailing his excruciating ordeal in the operating room as the surgeons desperately tried to save his life from the fatal arm wound he sustained from Kyle. After his cautionary tale, he got back into the swing of things and fell into his old form, by turning anything said that night into either a sexual innuendo or a story about his wife yelling at him. Hayes was dearly needed as well, being one of a couple surprise showings, the Icemen thought thought they may have to be short benched against a good team. However, Hayes’s divine intervention saw the Icemen take their first win in franchise history against the Bayhawks in dramatic fashion. The game came down to the final minute with the Bayhawk net empty, Nick was forced to decide between maintaining his 2 flat GAA. or getting the win in regulation. Luckily he made the right decision as well as the final save to seal the deal for the Icemen.

Ghost of the GAA.

Posted by: Timothy Sampson on Mon Jul 18th 2016 5:52pm

After falling to the Icemen 9-0 earlier in the season, the Bears tried a new strategy. Clearly looking to confuse the Icemen, only four skaters were seen wearing the Bears maroon. The Icemen didn’t seem to be affected in the early goings, jumping out to an early lead thanks to a cashed in steal by Tim Sampson,followed by a Rob Heil tally. As the game went on fatigue became a factor. The Icemen did not have the same numbers as the previous outing and the team’s stamina was quickly exhausted. The Bears charged back to score two goals to tie the game but the Icemen gathered their strength to stop the momentum against and keep the Bears at bay through the third period and overtime, forcing a shoot out. Nick Nelson proved unbeatable in the shootout stopping all Bears attempts giving the Icemen the victory. After the game he was quoted as saying he let the second goal in so that he could maintain his 2.00 GAA. not knowing that since it went past regulation, his actual average is below two. Proving that even if you fail seventh grade math, you can still be a goalie.

Ghost of Season Start Strikes Icemen

Posted by: Timothy Sampson on Mon Jul 18th 2016 5:28pm

The Icemen must have looked to repeat the success of the first two games of the season against the Nordiques by losing to them and the Cobras in consecutive games. The Icemen also suffered from a short turnout that the Nordiques were able to cure themselves of early on. After starting with only three people on the bench, the Nordiques started to clown car the locker room as three new recruits appeared in the first period. On the topic of recoveries, the Icemen recovered from their bout of scorelessness, putting up four goals, their most in three games. One of the goals seemed to have help from above. Specifically the rafters, where new Icemen specter, Chad, helped Rob score from the neutral zone like in years past. Since it worked once in the Nordique game, expect two or three neutral zone attempts per game from Rob for the rest of the season. Sal’s return to net after an extended hiatus was not a beautiful one. That can be said for his tending style which is likely the illegitimate love child of Dominik Hasek and Michael Fox. Some of his saves were impressive, but not as impressive as if he had made six more,

Ghost of Pat's Past Spooks Teammates

Posted by: Timothy Sampson on Mon Jul 04th 2016 6:33pm

The Icemen suffered a shutout against the Cobras in a 2-0 game after being regaled with Pat Morgan’s tales of his time in the other silicon valley. The locker room cleared quickly once he brought up his starring role in Trans-fer Teen Coeds 4. Nick Nelson clearly couldn’t get that picture out of his head which is the only explanation for why he wasn’t seeing the puck. Clearly that was the only visual the rest of team had all game because the net certainly wasn’t one. No one was able to tickle the twine, light the lamp, go to the red light district, or come close to besting the goaltender. Greg and Mats are as much to blame as any because they decided that this was the game they’d learn their lesson about yelling shutout in the middle of the game. Impeccable timing aside the game was a close checking affair that saw the Icemen go scoreless for the first time this season.

Coming Up

Tue Aug 20th 2019 8:25pm
Playoff Game vs JTF Blast
at Iceworld
Sun Aug 25th 2019 6:00pm
Playoff Game at Naughty Dogs
at Iceworld