The Velvet Hammers

The Velvet Hammers

Team News

IT'S JUST A HAMMER WIND-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Brett Birch on Fri Jun 01st 2012 8:19am
Are you ready BK?
Are you ready BK?

I wonder who is going to be first?

Bretzky's O.T Winner Keeps Hams Alive!

Posted by: Lorne Birch on Sat Apr 14th 2012 3:58pm

For the third time in franchise history and the second straight game, The Velvet Hammers needed overtime to declare a winner. The Hammers were winless in O.T until last night when Brett Birch scored on The Hammers powerplay early in the extra frame.

It was a good time for "The Express" to notch their first powerplay goal of the year, as hard as that is to believe. It was only the hard work of Gaston Berryman, that drew the man advantage for The Hams late in the 3rd that made it possible. He never stopped moving his legs and was ultimately interferred with.

It was a highly contested game from start to finish,but The Pylons really started to take over after the first period, as they seemed to have more shots and scoring chances.

Once again, Shawn Thompson was stellar in goal for The Hammers, making big save after big save. The only goal he gave up was on a lucky bounce off a skate, that he had no chance on.

"I didn't think I was going to be this busy tonight, but I was ready. It was a big win for the boys!" said Shawn afterwards.

Brett who scored both goals, was given the gold helmet for his efforts. He scored a beauty of a goal on a breakaway in the first. Yes I said a breakaway. Proves that in life anything can happen. Never say never. Brett's overtime goal was also a first. He has never scored in overtime in his playing career.

When asked about his huge game Brett had this to say "I wanted to finally have a huge playoff performance. For some reason it's always been a struggle. Tonight I felt great. Really confident. First O.T marker for me and it felt amazing. I just didn't know I scored until BK (Brian Kyca) celebrated! It was awesome how he crashed the net and opened everything up for me!"

Derek Birch (Big Buff) also had a strong game and had both assists. That gives him 3 helpers in the post season and he now leads The Hams in playoff points.

The Hammers now in unfamiliar territoy, find themselves playing in round 4 this friday, when they face Eastside. If they can some how manage to play at their level of skill and not their opponent's, this should be another Hammers victory.

You know what? Screw it. I'm guaranteeing another Hammers win! Lets just hope it's not a nail biter again.

Dickie Dunn
Associated Press

Youth and Penalties sink Hammers in Extra Time!

Posted by: Lorne Birch on Wed Apr 11th 2012 12:19am

The Velvet Hammers played the game of their lives but just couldn't keep up with the speed and youth of The Habs, and as a result got into penalty trouble all game. The Habs had 12 minutes of powerplay time or a full period if you like. That proved too much to keep any momentum The Hammers had from a 2-0 lead.

The final nail in the coffin was when team captain Lorne Birch took a selfish retaliation penalty from a Habs elbow late in the 3rd. The powerplay for the Habs continued into overtime and they notched the game winner with 1 second left in Birch's minor.

"It was stupid and totally selfish. Stumpy deserved better. Our guys who played their asses off deserved better", said Lorne Birch after the game, visibly disgusted with himself.

Shawn Thompson was absolutely incredible all game, stopping shot after shot and frustrating The Habs throughout. He was awarded the hardest working player. Runner up was Barret Payne who played the game of his life and was a checking force from start to finish as he left it all on the ice! BTW if anybody found a lung please return it to him.

Overall it was a strong team effort and the boys fought right to the very end. If the same effort is shown this Friday against The Pylons, I have no doubt The Hammers will prevail. As a matter of fact I guarantee a victory this Friday. I'm not the only one either.

"I guarantee a win against the Pylons!" said goalie Shawn Thompson in between swigging back some ale after the game on Saturday night.

A little confidence never hurt anybody.

Dickie Dunn
Associated Press

GRAND FORKS PART 3! The Renaissance Man!

Posted by: Lorne Birch on Thu Mar 29th 2012 5:00pm

It was The Velvet Hammers third trip to Grand Forks this past weekend. Though they didn't defend their B side championship, most would consider it their most successful trip to date. The Hams managed just one win in four tries, but that win came against their arch nemisis and much hated Rockpile.
The Hammers played one of their best games of the year and dominated The Pile from start to finish as they won 5-2. It was only the second victory against Rockpile in 3 seasons.

This game proved the hammers could compete with the Division 2 teams, and should give them some confidence heading into the playoffs this Friday, as they start their post season off against the cellar dwelling Eastside.

Now for some highlights from Grand Forks and the Barons tourney.

-The Hammers surpassed last years tourney total of 236 litres of beer consumed with a total of 335 litres.

-Darrell does not require therapy like Josh did last year, after rooming with the Birch brothers. However he did drink more to cope, which in turn helped The hammers break the beverage consumption record set last year.

-Brett managed to de-robe for a second straight season. One question. "What is that?"

-Kerry missed Saturday mornings game due to the fact he slipped into a coma some time around 5am. Guess he figured he could handle 28 beers in 3 hours. Who knew?

-Bob, Kris, and Kerry all took on the Buffalo Wings hot wing challenge and all 3 defeated it. Surprisingly Bob finished his wings first! Saying that, he was certainly in more duress than his fellow mates, as tears ran down his cheeks and he could be seen running off the pain outside the restaurant. Reminance of the hot wings could be found on the shower curtain in Bob's room later that night, as he missed the toilet on his first attempt of heaving.

-Brett unloaded 7 litres of pee onto the pavement of the hotel parking lot during his 3 hours of consuming beer in Lorne's jeep. We have pictures as proof. It is now known as the newest great lake. Lake Urine.

-Never before has Shawn "Stumpy" Thompson been seen crying. That changed Saturday night after the awards ceremony when he saw a picture of Brett's "renaissance man" pic. All you could hear between sobbing laughter was, "look how skinny he is" or "is that BK?"

-Speaking of Brian, BK tried his best to earn a BJ in the last game played Sunday. He fell 2 goals short of the hatty attempt but he did earn the gold helmet! P.S Nice breakaway on Saturday!

-Josh Dueck who was noticebly quiet all weekend, on and more importantly off the ice, edged out Brett and Stumpy for the team MVP. Well done!

-Brett was in fine form insulting his older brother this weekend with two beauty quotes. Saturday as I lazily tried checking a rockpile player I heard Brett yell, "LORNE! GET HIM YOU PIG!!"
Then on Sunday he gave Lorne shit for scoring. Yes that's right. He was visibly unhappy with Lorne's goal. After Lorne scored at the side of the net Brett yelled "LOOK AT YOU JUST STANDING THERE!" He then skated away in disgust.

-Candace was awarded the gold helmet for her stellar play in Friday afternoons game. Without a doubt she was one of the best players on the ice. Not going to lie. It made her two brothers a little misty eyed. Also not going to lie. Brett sobbed his effen face off later that night whilst discussing Candace's performance with her. Wasn't pretty but it was heart warming.

-Clay had a big game on Saturday notching 3 helpers against his old team Rockpile. That earned him the gold helmet, but more importantly it gave him the last laugh over his ex mates!

-Little Kevin (little?) joined The Hammers again this tourney. He was solid all weekend and scored the winning goal against Rockpile!!!

- A big thank you to Potsy! He made the trek from Regina once again, and The Hammers were all very grateful. It just wouldn't be the same without him. Yes, even if he is from Saskatchewan. Hey everybody has a fault.

It was a great time! Perhaps the best so far. For the first time the whole team went out together to eat and drink. Not once, not twice, but three times!!! Well all but one. But then MVP's roll a little different than us plugs.

Dickie Dunn
Associated Press

Its's Just Words ...

Posted by: Brett Birch on Thu Mar 29th 2012 3:42pm

Hey Boys!

Last Game Result: Mar 27 2011

Team 1 2 3 F
Canucks 1 1 0 2
The Velvet Hammers « 1 1 3 5
Goal Scorers: Brett Birch (12:49 in 1st), Brett Birch (11:11 in 2nd), Scott Podruchny (06:41 in 3rd), Gaston Berryman (11:14 in 3rd), Josh Dueck (16:24 in 3rd)
Goaltender: Shawn Thompson (W)

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